Why Men Pull Away – The Number One Reason

why me pull away

Why do men pull away in relationships?  When a man pulls away, he may do it in many ways.  Perhaps he just contacts you less and less or his texts seem to stop.  You one day just realize that you are doing all the initiating.  Maybe the terms of endearment are less and less.  Sometimes they come out and say they don’t want a relationship or they aren’t sure if they are ready for a relationship. Sometimes they say their jobs are stressful or offer up some other reason for their less than loving behavior.

Men also often pull away after it feels as if they have led you on.  This happens when they have been behaving in a way the led you to believe they did want a relationship.  It happens after a few dates, or months of dates and sometimes even years of actually being your boyfriend.  So what is going on here?  Why do men pull away like this, even when you feel you are in a great relationship?

The real reason why men pull away is this.  Almost every time.  On some level he feels that you are more invested than he is.  I repeat, on some level he feels or maybe even knows that you are more invested than he is.  Let me give you an example of how this happens and why men pull away.

Let’s take Jenny and Frank.  They met on a dating site.  They have been dating now for a couple of months.  Frank has been consistent in contact, he takes Jenny out every weekend and sometimes sees her on a weekday if possible.  Usually even if a guy is looking for a relationship, he isn’t really thinking of doing it right now.  In the meantime, Jenny is projecting into the future.

She begins to act with expectations for in her mind, they are on well on their way, while in Frank’s mind, they have just begun.  He has to cancel a date due to work one night.  Jenny shows her disappointment and even sulks a bit.  Men don’t like to disappoint, trust me.  So Frank feels bad.  Something else minor may happen, and she again is disappointed and shows it.  Frank again feels bad. Men stay with women who make them feel good. If he isn’t feeling good about himself, this is a reason why men pull away.

Frank begins to sense that Jenny wants more than he can give.  Now Frank may be perfectly capable of giving a lot, but his interpretation of Jenny’s reaction is that his a lot is not enough for her.  He feels she is more invested than he is because she may expect more from him.  This causes a loss of balance in the relationship and suddenly he isn’t so sure this is what he wants after all.

How to Become Irresistible Again to Your Cold, Distant and Uninterested Man…

You see when a man feels you are more invested, it puts pressure on him. Pressure is often why men pull away. He starts to feel responsible for your happiness.  He may suddenly feel as if he just can’t make you happy like you want to be made happy.  When a man senses he has let you down, he doesn’t feel good.  Might I add that men fall in love with the way you make them feel. It they feel  bad with your disappointment, they won’t bond truly with you.

Here is the slippery slope here.  Often these men say they don’t want a relationship any longer but would still like to see you.  You continue to see him which means to him that you have accepted his terms of no real strings.  Then he gets to feel safe again and moves in on you again like before.  You then interpret that behavior that maybe he has changed.  You again begin to act with expectations and again become disappointed because again he reminds you he isn’t ready for a relationship.

His interpretation of you agreeing to see him anyway is that you are fine with casual.  Be very careful here, how you handle it when men pull away is critical.  The goal is to make him feel safe, but not at the expense of sacrificing yourself and your needs. Very slippery slope indeed.

A question you may want to ask yourself when men pull away from you is this.  Are you rewarding his pulling away behavior.  In other words are you trying harder when he pulls away to get his attention back.  If so watch out.  Rewarding his less attention with more attention is a recipe for disaster and long term issues of probably being taken for granted if the relationship lasts that is.

Why Men Pull Away In Early Stages

It’s a bit different when a man pulls away in the early stages as in you have only been dating a few weeks.  During this time other than a bit of common courtesy, you really owe one another very little.  In the first few weeks you should just be getting to know one another and not projecting into the future.  Many women take this personal and it’s really not to be taken personal.  He may have decided you weren’t a good fit for whatever reason.  Hasn’t this ever happened to you?  Every man you date will not turn into a relationship.

That is why I suggest you learn not to attach too soon to a man or a certain outcome with a man.  It takes time to build up trust and a relationship and it doesn’t happen in a few weeks.  If he is pulling away or showing inconsistencies, chances are good he would not make a good partner anyway so nothing really big lost.

What to do when men pull away!

When a man pulls away, respect his choices.  By questioning and trying to convince him otherwise, you are trying to do his thinking for him.  Never a good idea and not the respectful thing to do.  When you try to convince, you make it about you with little regard for what he may want. This doesn’t feel good and men stay when they feel good and is a big reason why men pull away.

When men pull away, let them.  No drama.  You can let him know in a respectful way that although you aren’t happy with his choice, you are aware you can’t force him to feel for you what you feel.  He will remember this about you.  Your no drama actions will make him feel safe.  Give him time to process.  He may very well decide that you are worth it after all.

I know you will want to question him about why he pulled away or if he wants to end it, but let it ride for a bit.  If it is a case of you are more invested than he is, you pushing will just confirm this for him.  If he doesn’t step it back up without your prodding, chances are good you have your answer.

More on why men pull away and exactly what to do about it to get his attention is here at What To Do When He Pulls Away.

Ways to Capture his attention again and have him desire you again here!

How to Become Irresistible Again to Your Cold, Distant and Uninterested Man…

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13 Responses to “Why Men Pull Away – The Number One Reason”

  1. […] Cockrell, though not having me in mind,  says in her article Why Men Pull Away  that it’s most likely because John feels like I’m over-investing and always making him […]

  2. […] my first article here, Why Men Pull Away- The Number One Reason, I have explained that the most common reason is due to he is beginning to feel you are more […]

  3. […] wondering what they are doing wrong. It would be far easier for me to tell you what causes a man to lose interest, than to be able to target that certain something that some women just seem to have, but alas, I […]

  4. […] a man asks for space, and you give it to him happily and drama free, it shows him you can keep your head together. It […]

  5. […] to go inside and explore and heal.  Find a sense of well being outside of your partner before you push him away and give yourself more evidence of why you are […]

  6. […] a breakup, and you at this time want him back, crying, pleading, bargaining with him will just push him further away. It’s best to just go and see if he misses you. The most important thing you can do now is to […]

  7. […] it backfires. He leaves for another woman. He gets really busy with work and has less time. He pulls away. He disappears among many other scenarios that happen in the break down of a relationship.We just […]

  8. […] have been with one of these emotionally unavailable men, men that pull away, but in hindsight, I was not blameless. There are things I could have done or not done that may […]

  9. […] The fact of the matter is you can’t convince a guy to be in a relationship with you when he says he doesn’t want a relationship. He has to feel it and words won’t make him feel it for you. Maybe he just got scared, who knows, but when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, for the moment, you have to believe him. The more you question, convince, bargain, the further away you will push him. […]

  10. […] he says he just needs some space, maybe he isn’t contacting you as often or you are feeling him pull away. The fact that you even have to ask him if it’s over is your first clue that something is […]

  11. […] a thank you or worse, nothing at all, she is going to be disappointed. He is going to most likely pull away, and it’s over before it had a chance to even begin. If you are on a date you now have the […]

  12. […] So you have one of those hot and cold men. This is the man that pulls away often, not just once while deciding if he wants to take you to the next level. This is the man that is calling often one week and the next he falls of the face of the earth. These hot and cold men feel great to be with when they are hot, but when the arctic winds blow, you feel lost and isolated from him. The crazy thing women do with these men that is so detrimental to the relationship is take the reins when he goes cold. If they haven’t heard from him they text or call him, often with and excuse or to complain about his behavior. This won’t faze the hot and cold men. […]

  13. Will says:

    “Men fall in love with the way you make them feel.” Really good point! True for women too, I’d imagine, since women are attracted to men who are the source of good emotions. Also, men run from pressure, so trying to convince a guy he should come closer can only have a worse effect than letting him take his space.

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