May 6, 2013
He Said I Deserve Better – What He Really Means Is This…
So he said I deserve better? I get many emails and comments from women who are explaining their issues inside of a relationship or dating where a man has at some point or many times said you deserve better, or you are too good for him, or he doesn’t deserve you. What does this really mean they ask. Should they keep trying to reassure him?
What did it mean when he said I deserve better?
Sadly that is exactly what they try to do. They try and convince him that he is enough. What they aren’t doing is looking at what the words You deserve better really mean. Recently a woman posted on the forum Lovegirltalk.com, that her boyfriend of 8 months had been saying this to her quite often. Here thread is “Is it him or is it me? One of the first questions that the amazing ladies there began asking was “Could there be something he feels guilty about?”. I have found the countless times that anyone that says this more than once in a relationship is feeling bad about something or some guilt. Let me explain in detail.
A lot of women will make excuses for the man. He is scared. He is down right now, as in maybe struggling with work or even out of a job, so he feels insecure. Ladies this is rarely the reason. Another excuse is they blame the women before and how horrible she was to him. Again, not it. If your boyfriend is doing a lot of complaining about how horrible the woman before you was, that is another warning flag in itself. He is playing a victim. Never good in a relationship.
I have been the one dating a man that was being so good to me that I told him he deserved better. The real reason? Because he did. I was well aware that he was way more invested into me than I into him or perhaps my heart was still hung up on another. I was well aware that at that time I just couldn’t or rather did not want to be that involved. Sure I enjoyed his company, but I just wasn’t feeling the intensity or devotion that he did.
So if your boyfriend is telling you that you deserve better, it’s because he knows you are more invested than he is willing or wants to be. Perhaps he still wants to keep his options open. Perhaps he IS still keeping his options open. Perhaps he is talking to other women. Perhaps he still isn’t over the last one and knows in his heart if she came back, he would be gone like the wind. He knows on some level that he can’t or won’t give to you what you deserve or need. He is also aware that you are willing to give more than he is. That is never a good balance in a relationship.
So when your man tells you that you deserve better, please believe him. If he says you are too good for him, believe him. He means it. Trying to reassure him and convince him otherwise just puts more unbalance into the dynamics. That is you investing even more into a man that most likely is not going to give you a return on your investment. If he was really as into you as you are him, he would do everything in his power to prove to you that he is good enough.
I have yet to see a good outcome from a relationship where the man insists that you deserve better. He isn’t just saying that for no reason, he knows it. Believe him. He isn’t telling you a lie.