He Said I Deserve Better – What He Really Means is This…

So he said you deserve better? I get many emails and comments from women who are explaining their issues inside of a relationship or dating where a man has at some point or many times said you deserve better, or you are too good for him, or he doesn’t deserve you. What does this really mean they ask. Should they keep trying to reassure him?

Sadly that is exactly what they try to do. They try and convince him that he is enough. What they aren’t doing is looking at what the words You deserve better really mean. Recently a woman posted on the forum Lovegirltalk.com, that her boyfriend of 8 months had been saying this to her quite often. Here thread is “Is it him or is it me? One of the first questions that the amazing ladies there began asking was “Could there be something he feels guilty about?”.  I have found the countless times that anyone that says this more than once in a relationship is feeling bad about something or some guilt.  Let me explain in detail.

A lot of women will make excuses for the man.  He is scared.  He is down right now, as in maybe struggling with work or even out of a job, so he feels insecure.  Ladies this is rarely the reason.  Another excuse is they blame the women before and how horrible she was to him.  Again, not it.  If your boyfriend is doing a lot of complaining about how horrible the woman before you was, that is another warning flag in itself.  He is playing a victim.  Never good in a relationship.
Get Him to Connect and Commit!

I have been the one dating a man that was being so good to me, and told him he deserved better.  The real reason?  Because he did.  I was well aware that he was way more invested into me than I into him or perhaps my heart was still hung up on another.  I was well aware that at that time I just couldn’t or rather did not want to be that involved.  Sure I enjoyed his company, but I just wasn’t feeling the intensity or devotion that he did.

So if your boyfriend is telling you that you deserve better, it’s because he knows you are more invested than he is willing or wants to be.  Perhaps he still wants to keep his options open.  Perhaps he IS still keeping his options open.  Perhaps  he is talking to other women.  Perhaps he still isn’t over the last one and knows in his heart if she came back, he would be gone like the wind.  He knows on some level that he can’t or won’t give to you what you deserve or need.  He is also aware that you are willing to give more than he is.  That is never a good balance in a relationship.

So when your man tells you that you deserve better, please believe him. If he says you are too good for him, believe him.  He means it.  Trying to reassure him and convince him otherwise just puts more unbalance into the dynamics.  That is you investing even more into a man that most likely is not going to give you a return on your investment.  If he was really as into you as you are him, he would do everything in his power to prove to you that he is good enough.

Get Him to Connect and Commit!

I have yet to see a good outcome from a relationship where the man insists that you deserve better.  He isn’t just saying that for no reason, he knows it.  Believe him.  He isn’t telling you a lie.


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11 Responses to “He Said I Deserve Better – What He Really Means is This…”

  1. ca zim says:

    If he says, ” we get along good together,” what does that really mean in manspeak? Thanks.

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Usually it means just that, you get along good together. If you want to take that further it could also mean he is happy with status as is and hopes you are too and that you won’t be asking for more.

  2. Sarah Jane says:

    Please help me :( I had a relationship with someone online for 14 months and now we broke up. He said he love me so much but we’re from from each other. and lately we have been fighting. he didn’t say goodbye or anything he don’t message anymore. I was so hurt the past few weeks I can’t eat and sleep all I do is cry. I feel like I don’t want to wake up anymore so I won’t feel the pain. but now I can’t cry anymore I can’t feel anything it’s like even if someone die in front of me I will not cry or I won’t feel anything. last night I took 5 pills cus I want to sleep all night cus every time I’m awake. I feel sad I wanna punch someone or anything I see so I will cry. :( Sorry I’m not so good in English hope you understand.

  3. Jay Cole says:

    So me and thing guy had been talking for months, and one night he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. He had told me I was wife material and everything he looked for in a girl. The next day after asking me to be his girlfriend he told me he was running. He said he couldn’t be everything I would need and want right now. He told me that he needed to get through the marines and boot camp and he would be ready for me in four years. He still talks to me everyday like we are best friends and even calls me his best friend. We’ve had sex.. But he says we’ve made love. He tells me I deserve better and that he just wants to do him and not have to worry about hurting me, but I’m so confused as to how I’m supposed to handle this. Do I deserve better? Why won’t he make commitment? Help. I spend nights crying about this and I have nobody to talk to.

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Did you read the blog post you are commenting on? When a man says you deserve better that is because he isn’t willing or doesn’t want to give what it is that you want. He knows you are more invested than he is and that is his “nice” way of telling you that he is not on the same page. As far as waiting for 4 years, you have got to be kidding right. There is also a link to a forum in the tabs at the top of the site. You would get kind and excellent feedback there. Please drop this guy now, he has no intentions of taking this further.

  4. […] a man tell you that you deserve better he is saying that he can’t or isn’t willing to give you what he knows you want.   […]

  5. Ashley Terry says:

    I was talking to a Marine for a few months since his friend used me and told him ti try to get me away from him. He then started talking to me cheering me up and it just went from there. One day he told me he couldn’t do it.A month later the other guy txt me trying to apologize but at the end i found out what he had done so I decided to txt the Marine and find out if it was true. He said it was but he was confused of if he liked me or not so even though i still had feelings i told him we could only be friends. I knew i was lying to myself and decided to tell him i still liked him. We then decided to start talking again. To make it short it all seem like it was going alright he was doing his job and i was with college and what not. One day he told me he was leaving for training in Japan for a few months but that he was going to come back and come see me. A few weeks later he didnt txt back and then when he id he said he was depressed and what not.I tild him i was there for him and that it was alright if he didnt txt me i waa going to give him spacw. Yet a few days he was being short and he was sending videos and talking to other ppl. I had my own things and i decided to call him. He sounded better yet he Said he wasnt and then i told him i had my own things and i was going to be busy. Thats when it got quiet and he just said i deserve better that i had better things to worry and what not. He then was rude and left me hanging i had send him a present for his bday before but didnt get the gift until after he did this. I tried giving it time but he blocked me and has me as friends on skype and snapchat. I tried txting him but he just didnt replied after i told him we needed to talk about that. He has been sending so many snapchats on his story when he never did that when we were talking. I told him i was going to face him before he left even if he had a gf or was single and thats when he said to just stop it. Im just tried to Cheer him up, let him know i cared, feel loved, txted him everyday and tried talking on the phone i dnt know what i dis wrong. And to be honest its killing me. Im scared that he will come later or just txt me whenever he needs something. HELP

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Sweetie, you are barking up the wrong tree and way over giving! This guy has made it clear that he isn’t looking for a relationship with you, yet you keep on chasing him. I am going to be blunt. You are acting like a stalker and not getting his message. Please save your dignity and leave this guy alone. I have a forum where we can explain it to you in detail exactly what you are doing wrong. It’s not your job to cheer him up. Take care of your own well being and let him take care of his. I seriously doubt he was really depressed. It’s a great excuse a lot of guys use when they are trying to discourage a girl from getting attached.

  6. Ashley Terry says:

    He is leaving around Nov so I don’t know what he really meant or wants.

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